Got someone who lacks self-awareness in your team? How to manage their behaviour using the 4D-F Model

In the dynamic world of team management, leaders often encounter a wide range of personalities and behaviours. One of the more challenging situations arises when team members display a lack of self-awareness. Whether it’s someone who fails to recognise the impact of their actions on others or an inability to self-assess their performance accurately, it can negatively impact on team harmony and hinder productivity.

One of the most effective tools for managjng someone who is unaware of their behaviour is to use the 4D-F Model, which provides a constructive framework for feedback following these principles: Define, Discover, Discuss, Decide, and Follow-Up.

1. Define the Behaviour

The first step in managing lack of self-awareness is clearly defining the behaviour that is causing concern. Ask if you can offer an observation in the spirit of their success and wellbeing, then share the specific actions or patterns that negatively impact others. Stick to the facts here so that you are laying a solid foundation for the rest of the discussion. This whole step should be delivered with a concise statement of less than 60 seconds, so take the time beforehand to craft your message well.

Example: A team member might consistently overestimate their contributions to projects or fail to recognise how their communication style affects their colleagues. e.g. they regularly interrupt others during meetings, unaware of how this behaviour is perceived as disrespectful and disruptive.

2. Discover the Underlying Causes

Once the behaviour is defined, the next step is to explore the underlying reasons behind it. This phase involves asking discovery questions – what, how, why, which – to try to uncover their motivations, constraints or concerns. The goal is to understand whether these behaviours stem from a lack of feedback, personal insecurities, or simply a misunderstanding of workplace norms. Information is power, and will help you to determine the next best step forward.

Example: Upon further observation, you might discover that the team member who interrupts others does so because they feel their ideas are frequently overlooked, prompting them to speak up inappropriately to be heard.

Secondary step: If the individual keeps avoiding responsibility for their part in the situation, repeatedly and empathetically remind them of the expected standards and how important it is for them to be a trusted and integrated team member.

3. Discuss Options

With a better understanding of the behaviours and their causes, the next step is to explore solutions. This conversation should focus on the ideal behaviours and how these can be supported. Refer to standards outlined in your organisation’s policy, process, values or codes of conduct, if you can, so that your comments aren’t personal – they aim to reinforce the behaviours and norms expected of all team members. 

Example: During the meeting, you could explore different ways they could present their ideas so that others take notice without being disruptive. Find specific words and alternate actions that the individual could use, and see what support they may need to implement them. 

Secondary step: If the individual is struggling to come up with possible solutions, you may wish to offer a few that you have considered beforehand. However if you have not been able to get the person’s acceptance of the issue as yet, it may be best to stop the discussion now and schedule another meeting in 1-2 days with the intent for them to consider solutions they believe will resolve the situation.

4. Decide on Action Steps

After discussing the issues, work together with the team member to decide on practical steps they can take to improve their self-awareness and modify their behaviour. Other than implementing the specific actions discussed, this could include self-reflection exercises, professional development resources, or regular feedback sessions. It’s important that these steps are agreed upon mutually to ensure the individual is committed to making a change.

Example: You and the team member might agree that they will pause before speaking in meetings to consider if it’s the right moment to contribute, or they might keep a personal log of instances when they feel compelled to interrupt and discuss these instances in one-on-one sessions.

Secondary step: If you have not been able to reach consensus on the matter, and have taken a break to gather more information or allow for self-reflection and the contribution of solutions, you may need to mandate your solution. It is the leader’s role to “hold the line” on expected workplace behaviours, and sometimes that means making considered, fair but unpopular decisions for the sake of the greater good.

5. Follow-Up

The final phase of the model is follow-up. Regular check-ins are essential to assess progress, provide ongoing support, and make adjustments to the action plan as necessary. This not only helps the team member stay on track but also reinforces your commitment to their development and the well-being of the team.

Example: Schedule monthly one-on-one meetings with the team member to discuss their progress on the agreed-upon actions and any new challenges they might be facing.

Secondary step: If the individual is not following the agreed plan, then it is crucial that you act immediately to find out why. Aim to guide them back to the agreed plan, or loop back to step 2 to find out their motivations, constraints or concerns.

By implementing the 4D-F Model, you provide a structured approach to managing lack of self-awareness which not only helps resolve immediate issues but also fosters a culture of growth, open communication, and mutual respect within the team. Remember, the goal is to guide team members towards greater understanding of how their behaviours impact others, as well as individual and team performance.